Motherhood Misconceptions: There Are No Oopses In Our Family!

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It’s time for our second edition of #MotherhoodMonday and it’s a little bit heavier hitting than last week. We’re going to be sharing our Motherhood Misconceptions. I’ll be totally honest, I really struggled with this one. I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to write about, but it would include sharing some personal details which I don’t usually talk about publicly, and haven’t remotely touched here on the blog yet. So much credit goes to the supportive group of ladies that I’m teaming up with each week, as they had nothing but kind encouraging words for me. After prayerful consideration I’d like to share with you a Motherhood Misconception that I’ve personally dealt with a lot ever since we announced our third pregnancy, and then the birth of this incredible little boy.

As many of you know, I’m so amazingly blessed to be the mother of a 15 year old, an 11 year old, and a newly turned 1 year old. I bet you have a good idea of where I’m headed already. Of course we received plenty of well wishes, love, and support when we started to share with others that we were expecting the newest addition to our family. We also got some of the “was this planned”, “oops”, and by perfect strangers “do all three have the same father.” It seems that when you have a sizable age gap between children that some people come up with all sorts of ideas and assumptions as to why that is.

Was the 10+ age gap which exists between our two youngest children planned, no it wasn’t, but it certainly wasn’t unplanned either. We actually had more than our fair share of fertility issues, and even though we tried to have a third baby  5+ years earlier than we actually did, in no way was #3 an oops. In our family, no child would ever be an oops. After many failed fertility treatments, we had to start to come to terms with the idea that our family was complete with the two beautiful children which we were already blessed to have. We wanted a third child so badly, and every cycle that passed, and every negative test I took, the revelation that maybe our ship had sailed, and that maybe the baby stage of our lives had already passed. In no way do I want to compare this pain and sense of loss with those moms who aren’t able to have children of their own at all, but it was still such a difficult time of grieving, eventually through a lot of tears and heartache, I did however come to a place of acceptance.

God, who is always faithful had a different plan and a different set of timing then we did. Much to our utter shock and in complete awe of his divine providence we did indeed go on to have a third child. An incredible, beautiful, baby boy who has brought such love, joy, and laughter to our family. It’s absolutely glorious to see our older children interact with him, with each passing day they enjoy him more and more. Our 11 year old son couldn’t be prouder to have a brother, and yes, he may be counting the days until he is old enough to learn to play catch or kick a soccer ball with him, but he’s equally excited counting the amount of consecutive steps which he is starting to take. Have you ever watched a teenager marvel at a baby? Sure, it might have took our high school aged daughter a little bit of time to wrap her brain around the idea of our family expanding, but it’s absolutely breathtaking and beautiful to watch them interact. He is thrilled beyond belief when she walks through the door after school, and in no time at all he is sitting on her lap laughing and smiling at her.

Children our such an incredible blessing no matter if they are born with less than a year between one another or more than 10 years apart. When I have shared our story with those who have asked “was this planned”, it doesn’t take long for them to get a humble and sometimes even sheepish look, or to then exclaim “how wonderful that things worked out for you then,” when really all that should have every been said was “how wonderful”, “congratulations”, “I’m happy for you”, or “what a blessing!”

We all have a story to tell and unique perspective to share from. Make sure to check out all of the other #MotherhoodMonday posts from these fabulous ladies:

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Comments

  1. 1

    says

    Love this post! It is so true children are a blessing regardless of how close or far apart they are. My daughters are 20 months apart are most people don’t say anything but we have had a couple of people tell us “wow that’s close, two under two” or something less nice.

  2. 2

    says

    I agree with you that all children are an incredible blessing! Thank you for sharing your story with us – words can be hurtful even though often times I think to myself that the person’s intent was not probably so – but this is a great reminder that motherhood journeys are different for everyone and sometimes different emotions are behind those journeys! Beautiful post!

  3. 4

    says

    This is so good to hear. I can’t imagine growing up as a child knowing you were an “accident” that would hurt so much. Congratulations on your one year old, it’s one of my favorite ages, given that we haven’t gotten past age 3 😀

  4. 5

    says

    I am really sensitive to making comments like that b/c my sister had fertility problems and I know how horrible it was for her to deal with people’s nosy nature. I think many people don’t realize how common infertility is unless they have been affected by it personally. My 7th child was unplanned and my husband hates that I admit it to people, but I feel like she is a miracle and a special gift from God that reminds me that I am not ultimately in control.

  5. 6

    says

    Being mindful of what we say is so important. I am amazed at comments people will make. There are no ‘oopse” in our family, i love that 🙂

  6. 8

    says

    This post really touched me. We’ve been trying for our third and it’s been so daunting with PCOS. It almost seems like it’ll never happen. When and if it does though, it will not be an oops baby. Thank you for posting this.

  7. 9

    says

    I think it’s awesome that you have a wide range of ages. My husband has a 11 year old brother right now, so he was 15 when his brother was born. It’s so fun to see my son interact with his youngest uncle and see how obsessed my son is with him.

  8. 10

    says

    Wonderfully written, thank you for sharing. It always surprises me that people still ask about family size, pregnancy, and our kids. Apart from it being non of their business, you just truly never know what someone else is going through. My mom suffered through three miscarriages, so there is an 8 year gap between my younger sister and I (during which time she lost two). But it was wonderful growing up with younger sisters! And it really helped me prepare for mommy hood myself. 🙂 I am so thrilled that you were able to add that sweet spirit to your family!

  9. 13

    says

    I’m almost 16 years older than my baby sister, and she’s more than 5 years younger than the next closest sibling. She is such a joy and a treasure. I will say it was really, really hard that I left for college and moved out of my parents’ home when she was only one year old, but I can’t imagine life without my baby sister!

  10. 15

    says

    My mom always said that my sister was a preemie…. born two years early lol!! Kind of like you, baby was late, by 10 years 🙂 No accidents, just fate picking the right timing for you. I also have a one year old too, hats off to you mama for having a baby and older ones!

    You should come link up at the Bloggers Spotlight just opened last night, we pin everything to our group board and have two separate link-ups, one for regular blog posts and one for pins.

    http://www.raisingfairiesandknights.com/category/bloggers-spotlight/

    Hope to see you there!

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